Fighting through Anxiety

Phoebe Buffay - "I don't want to be the reason I'm unhappy"

Yes, I know a Friends quote! It had to happen sometime, and I'm not going to lie, it made me super happy to be able to use a Friends quote!

But how true is this? How many times do we twist our own thoughts and negativity into a downward spiral? These past three days have been a whirlwind of anxiety. You know the kind that has your stomach in knots and all you want to do is shut down or throw up. So I took Monday and Tuesday and I let myself shut down and feel the emotions that were inside of me. Then today I knew I had to take back control. I had to regain my posture and get back on track. So I did all the things, I worked out this morning, listened to podcasts, read scripture. You know what, that knot in my stomach is still there and I'm still feeling the urge to shut down, but I'm confident with God's strength I will figure this out. I have to take the steps of faith to encourage myself to keep going.

I don't do well with change and I have this nervous feeling that a lot of change is about to happen and it scares me. The reason for my anxiety. I'm also excited and pray that God will help me in this new adventure whatever it may be. I think the scary part is not knowing. I'm so used to being comfortable. We like comfort don't we? It's easy, relaxing, no anxiety, but in the long run, is it really fulfilling? I know for me it's not. I want to be pushed. I have dreams that I hope God will help me see someday. I know that I can't do this alone and I'm asking for prayer! I'm asking God for direction.

So today I am asking myself these hard questions...

What is my ultimate mission in life?

What is it that will really make me happy?

Why am I here?

Tough questions right? I know that I need to answer these questions in order to move into my next step. I have this chance right now to decide what it is I really want to do? Is it scary? Hell ya! But I'm excited. I know now after going through my emotions I don't want to settle for a mediocre life. I want a life fulfilled with a mission! I'm still trying to answer the questions and I'm going to take some time and actually write them down and pray over them.

Life is full of crazy challenges these days, but I pray with the help of community and prayer we will all figure this out together. We need each other now more than ever!

Always Smile,

Michelle